I don’t really blog anymore. well i do from time to time when i think i have something that needs to be shared. however, the indulgence of my self importance even makes me laugh in retrospect cause really who gives a flying F@%k what i have to say about most things? well for me that answer is simple, I do.

This blog, henceforth, will be a reflection and its many refractions of my attempts to focus. Focus on what remains the a valid question at this point. To me, the answer is both simple and yet complex. I am to focus on M(E). the parts of me that i do know and those parts of me I am yet to know. Someone once said to me that their life’s goal was to be the best version of herself that she could be. honestly, with all I have read and come across I still believe that piece of wisdom to be of the most profound nature.

In all this craziness that is life I have come to the understanding (perhaps wrongly) that while we may influence many a thing there are very few things by which we can actually control.

forgive my lack of brevity in making this next point. From most of what I can understand Humans have come to believe that they have sole dominion over this earth and it is the sacred duty of humanity to make nature bend to the will of its greatest endeavor, civilization. A lot of us spend time trying to influence (i believe robert cialdini wrote a great book on the topic of influence from a psychological perspective) other elements around us. scientifically speaking we do influence everything around us, for every object has a gravitational force, some objects weak and others strong.
I believe the wise amongst us understand that at the very best on can only attempt to influence an outcome by creating a cause, leaving the effect itself up to the actor or actors involved. however, some use the illusion of power to manipulate a situation, which i understand to be the cultivation of the cause and the engineering of the effects in one’s favor. we can all name plenty of times when we gave another the power to manipulate or coerce us into certain acts. when we look at these acts of manipulation in retrospect we often realize that the final decision was our own to make regardless of the consequences thereof, real or perceived.

Here I come full circle to say that control over anything other than self is an illusion. and sometimes even control of oneself can be a daunting task. Thus, to echo the words of a wise woman, I aim only to be the best version of M(E) that I can be, I am only hopeful that this is enough to be of positive influence to those that I come across during my time here..

Piece and Blessings

In my not so humble opinion, the biggest problem our society faces is that nothing is our problem. We have fathers not being responsible for their children. and this seems mostly ok with people. corporations are dumping hazardous materials into developments which is causing people to become sick and yet this too is considered ok. People argue that climate change is a hoax. personally i am not too sure what the truth is exactly on that matter but it seems we are not willing to take responsibility for that either. let me not act holier than thou because I am sitting here typing the post with my tv on and my non efficient light bulb going as well.

It feels like I am watching the world simply say they are tired of being responsible for their actions. ever seen that scene from the rugrats movie where tommy gets mad and says “Responsitility stinks and i don’t want it anymore” (bad paraphrase but you got to forgive me. its been about ten years since that movie was out).

I am sure I am not doing this blog any real justice right now.. my giants are on the verge of getting their backs kicked in my by the eagles again so i have to go and yell at the TV screen. piece and blessings.

taking this intercourse to a post doctoral level
using her landscape for a Ouija board
allowing her most innate desires to guide me
touching parts of her she thought to be dead
by most measures I am a practical individual
It should come as no surprise that I am not into minor miracles
So this isn’t no water into wine sort of thing
Survivalist by nature
we shall drink what we perspire
This is not a give sight to the blind sort of thing
Comprehending the situation
By using these fingertips
to read the goosebumps and rising fine hairs on her skin
while exploring her elegant universe
not a five loaves and two fish sort of thing
lets just say
that science suggest we can go a few days if need be

I am aiming for something only conspiracy theorists could suggest
Alternate universe apocryphal sex
The type that causes breaks in the space time continuum
Quantum leap to a place where orgasms aren’t really a matter of choice
I once heard “Prior preparation prevents poor performance”
And in that case I have been practicing my multiplication since the age of six
The vibrations we send from here
just may well alter Alex Haley’s Roots

Take a pause for the cause
Arrange a galactic peace accord to end Star Wars

I never learned to read sheet music
But sometime back I figured out how to play by ear
Orchestrating symphonies in concert with her biorhythms
Because she absolutely refuses to groove to auto tunes
In thrilling exploration of her individuality
Climbing her base pairs like Olympus Mons
Reach her summit
Then base jump from there

But after while the thrill of these moments begin meaning less
becoming meaningless
Unless you find yourself falling in love

Class dismissed

Pretend parenting, I remember when such a thing was all the rage. Don’t get me wrong kids have always had a fascination with such things. I think we all played house at some point (no nasties, not that kind of house), pretending to be mothers and fathers and if there were enough players, children and grandparents as well. I believe the year was 1996 when some genius found a way to boil parenting down to some mathematical algorithm and sell the idea to a ton of teens the world over. Well not the world over, the thing only sold around 70 million according to Wikipedia. I swear during my youth I saw enough of those things to make me hurl. The advent of the Tamagotchi does raise some serious questions. Is parenting or rearing a child as simple as a neat little algorithm? Was this device some 1950 demagoguery aimed at training mothers of the future? Have such devices shaped youths perception of child rearing? Was this mechanism simply a digital replica of the single parenting that has now run rampant in today’s society?

Why would I even be concerned about such things? Well my squirrelly little mind has realized that why I am not in the child making and rearing business a lot of my contemporaries are. Coincidentally, this is the same peer group that spent their pre-teen and early teen years consumed with the tamagotchi algorithm. The result of the algorithm seemed very simple. Feed the child, and appropriately dress and protect the child for random elements. Essentially the rule to the algorithm seemed to be not to neglect the machine and all would be well. Well unsurprisingly, the pre-teen and teenage attention spans would prove to be remarkably short as many of these preteens digital children or pets would die from hunger, sickness, but rarely old age (if that was even possible in those early algorithms). Of course with any video game you can just start over. However, that same option does not exist in the real world. Neglect, plain and simply has very dire consequences.

Most of my generation doesn’t know what neglect looks like. This is not because we haven’t experienced it but rather because neglect looks a lot like entertainment. In my world, Tuesday night pizza and board game with my family soon became me playing hours of Nintendo or whatever the gaming system of choice was. For others it is hours of unmonitored television watching. Most kids do not even know they are being neglected because those hours are now consumed by internet browsing, video game playing, and things of the sort. Most children probably begin to know something isn’t right when they are eating tv dinners for the fifth consecutive night because no one is around to make a balanced meal. I, myself am a very lucky individual in this regard because people just liked to feed me. After a few months or years this neglect becomes isolation and at that point most parents have lost the ability to be a guiding force in that child’s life.

I wonder if my contemporaries ever thought such a thing as simple as a tamagotchi would reveal so much about how our society operates. I once read in a book by T. Harv Eker, “ that how one does anything is how they do everything”. And in thinking about the parallels of a simple hand held game and rearing of a child, I have to say this particular insight is spot on. In the end of the day I hope we all begin to pay attention to how we go about doing seemingly insignificant things and how those same habits influence the more significant happenings in our lives. All hail to the tamagotchi.

Piece and blessings

27 years of moderate means and mediocre living
I can only hope that those who partake
Can take something from this…

If Jesus bore my burdens
Then whose albatross am I bearing?
I appreciate very much those that paved the way
However, I have learned that paved paths are not the only way to go
Besides, I think there is a part of me that likes to frolic in grassy knolls
But sadly
I cannot be certain of this assertion
for I have never met this particular part of myself
Seems like so many pieces are missing
I stare at my refraction in the mirror
And begin wonder if I was ever meant to be whole
Broken heart or broken limbs
27 years later I am still not too sure which hurts more

27 years of moderate means and mediocre living
Born W.I.C. participant who still has an affinity for Kix
Addicted to previous circumstance
simply holding on to fantastically distorted heuristics
funny though…
but I never felt like a victim.
At least not until I learned to
Give up my dreams and give in to feasibility
Chasing economic survival
while my passions linger in forgotten realms
wanting nothing more than its wick to be rekindled

27 years of moderate means and mediocre living
Clichés and Archetypes still annoy me
In the face of bigotry
I call on the spirit of the sequoia to become a bigger tree
Rooted in deeper things
Dedicating this lifetime to becoming a better version of M(E)
Not some carbon copy of exceptionalism
Forwarded to me because someone had ten text messages to send out
Or be cursed to some damned eternity

27 years of moderate means and mediocre living
and I can assure you this is no way to live
so live to learn
and learn to unlearn ubiquitous bullshit
Like God only existing in the second and third persons
perhaps this proves me to be a bit self-righteous
however righteousness in someone else’s name
is nothing more than sacrilege
to personal excellence

When we were younger we were in some way all fed the ideal that this universe was ours for the making. I am not sure if I ever believed such a thing. Perhaps at some point I did. However, my 27 years of living on this earth has taught me conjunction and harmony is more likely to lead each of us where we wish to go. I think the word for this, loosely speaking, is compromise. Compromise of this sort creates what is commonly referred to as a relationship, or for me a relationship unit.

The societal view of self preservation has become a difficult one to ascertain in this day in time. Mostly, because the understanding of self has become micro-focused to a point where humanity has deluded itself into thinking they are more divinely favored than any other species that inhabits the earth. The proof of this allegation is rather simple. I would say climate change but that is an arguable point. However, one cannot deny that human evolution, for better or worse, has had a profound effect on biodiversity and our ecosystem as a whole. And despite my attempt at neutrality there have been quite a few extinction events associated with evolution and migration (anthropocene and Holocene toname a few). Better still, humanity has decided that it was ok to clone and genetically modify its food source in fear of running out of its precious resources. I make these comparisons only to suggest that life sustains and begets life however humanity seems to be hell bent on proving this simple truism false. All I can say to the absurdity of such a notion is good luck.

Suffice it to say that sustainability is not high on humanities list. It seems we take for granted that there will be other resources for the species to use. Oddly enough this not only how we end up treating our food and energy supply but also fellow human beings. We are a species that sees progress as the ability to subdue and manipulate our environment. To dominate is the modus operandi and sacred duty of humanity. And it should come of no surprise that this is also how we conduct our own interpersonal relationships. Most of us cannot see pass our own personal desires to come to the understanding that we could come to a better outcome if we worked together in a harmony.

The question becomes, if domination is the status quo when do we decide that a relationship unit matters enough to rise beyond our myopic tendencies? When will we realize that we all have a part to play in our different relationship units whether those relationships are interpersonal or ecological in nature? Most of humanity is determined to leave their mark on this very earth. Perhaps if the meme ever present in our minds was to preserve the earth perhaps all of our relationships would be different. For we would have learned that the manner in which we relate to life ultimately determines our survival in it.

To make it plain I will simple close with this. It is certain that without life there is no you and I. However, with life there still exists a possibility of us.

Piece and Blessings.

In the segment – poetic Thursday’s, I will attempt to provide a poem in this space. This poem can either be a key style or a piece I have written prior to today. And on days when I have no particular muse I will either feature a poem that I have read and liked (already published of course with all credit and by lines) or discuss an aspect of poetry that I have been looking into or find interesting.

My genome conveniently suggest that most of this is predestined
These fits and starts
My apparent gift for this art
But one has to wonder what happens to gifts left unopened
What good is a destiny left unclaimed?
Dreams floating in space unnamed unattained.
Perception got too many people too afraid to live.
The most gut wrenching sight to see
is a brilliant entity choosing the comfort of a mediocre existence
forever idling somewhere between support and resistance

for instance
most of us get into wishing for better days
in a perpetual daze we ignore our own intuition
seemingly unfazed
as media outlets dice the facts to spin half truths and call it news
integrity on the auction block
and as a country we could never afford it
but oddly enough we are leveraging our very essence
gambling on greater returns on this corporeal state
dining on cloned steroid injected flesh
wondering why we are rotting to the core
because we never got passed the idea
that it is either this or …..
an apocalyptic nothingness

These are merely some words I jotted down today
The meaning I leave to you.

Maybe I am an old man or maybe I am just slow to the party. Either way as I have aged blogging has a lost a bit of its luster to me. I guess in my heyday I would spit out blogs about three times a week. And on a good week I would get out five.  Back then I had no problem spending an hour or two constructing well thought out posts. Some people thought it was easy for me to do such things. On some days it was on others it took pain staking labor to get those thoughts together in an way that made sense but still in plain English.

Perhaps the little bit of blog feedback I used to receive changed my perspective on blogging and led me to change some things about my blogging. I guess the term for that is becoming more reader or consumer friendly which meant shorter blogs, plainer English, etc. Perhaps I became a junkie for feedback, which is weird considering the feedback wasn’t all that great. A few people made thoughtful or thought provoking comments but mostly it was mindless acknowledgements that people had read my post, couldn’t get through all of it, etc. Scientific studies have been done that suggest that people respond better to what they perceive as positive or constructive feedback. According to one study, professors tended to drift and stay to the side of the room that was providing the most feedback. And I guess I tended to drift towards the feedback mechanism myself. And the more I did the more my desire to share my thoughts faded into wanting to be alone with my thoughts. And it seems the less I shared my thoughts the more incommunicable my thoughts became. In somewhat scientific jargon my synapse for written communication atrophied and thus my ability to do so has decreased. Thus when one gets used to not portraying one’s thoughts one’s ability to do so generally decreases, thus the reason why I am back to blogging in the first place (damn I miss the table).

This time around there will be a few changes to the script. There will be no ranting on my part. I am 27 years old now. Ranting might have been ok when I was 23 or even 24 but now it just doesn’t make sense for me to be ranting nor does it fit my personality type these days. Will I get on my soap box from time to time? Yes, because I believe there needs to be some preaching to the choir every once in a while. Will I continue to tell it how I see it? Absolutely, however I realize that truth is a matter of perception and is ultimately a negotiable phenomenon and thus not everyone’s version of the truth will look like mine per say.  I guess marketing would call this differentiation.

I am not really here pursuing a niche I am merely in pursuit of my ability to think and communicate at a level I deem appropriate for myself. With that being said, regardless of how selfish this may sound please understand that this blog is totally and utterly for my thinking. If you get something out of it then more power to you (whoever you may be). Some would say if that is the case why not just write in a word document? Fair enough question. My reply would simply be that it is no secret that computers crash. Case in point I have been blogging on and off for the past five years (mostly off the past two years) but my computing devices have crashed at least once from what I can remember (maybe there is hope for cloud computing yet).

Piece and Blessings.